Summary/Review: Tywinning

Game of Thrones

Season 2

Episode 9

Blackwater

 

Summary:

Oh look a ship full of seamen.

Wait. Lots of ships full of seamen.

Is that a vomit barrel?

No wonder they're all sick.

Davos wants to be Stannis's hand.

You know what I kind of ship that. Especially on the ship.

"You can't fuck your way out of everything."

Apparently you can. Lovely.

Pycelle sounds like he's doing... something beneath his robes. Cersei looks so annoyed.

I bet he did something on the floor.

"Be careful on the stairs."

Cersei was going to have signs made. And develop a keen interest in safety at one time.

Bronn is inspiring the army. And a whore. While undressing her.

He is a master of multitasking indeed

"You like fucking and drinking and killing. But killings the thing you love."

Oh Sandor.

Sandor and Bronn were about to fight.

Aww... Saved by the bell.

Funky drum beats. And Stannis is smiling?

Stannie loves drums.

Joffrey making Sansa kiss his sword. Such a romantic.

And a creep.

"The worst ones always live."

Oh dear. Bye to more Starks then. Maybe minor ones.

"That would make me the quarterman. It just doesn't have the same ring to it."

Tyrion working the Halfman name.

"Fitting isn't it? The men will bleed out there and you will bleed in here.”

Cersei compares periods to death. There speaks a woman whose had many a painful monthly experience.

"The only way to keep the small folk loyal is to make certain they fear you more than they do the enemy."

Lannister public relations are the harshest department in Westeros.

Is it just me or is Stannis smiling? Quite a bit.

Is it just me or does someone love violence?

It might be deadly but that wildfire is really pretty to look at as it explodes.

And here come the screams of agony. I feel bad now...Sort of.

Cersei is currently bravely doing what everyone else would do when faced with certain death...

Getting hammered.

And now there are drinking lessons. And man and sword envy.

Its wrong that I ship Cersei and Sansa's drinking game isn't it?

"Tears aren't a woman's only weapon. The best one's between your legs. Learn how to use it. “

Oh Cersei. Sansa's just turned as red as her hair.

Cersei just called Sansa a slice of cake. I'm guessing she loves the taste of lemons.

And Starks...

Lancel looks like a girl in that armour.

And fights like one too.

Cersei was taught to smile and sing and please.

But she's not bitter about it. Not at all.

Lady Sansa's service. I hear its rather bloody right now...

I know. I know.

Poor Sandor. There's that old fire phobia again.

I'd bloody want to run away too.

"Fuck the Kingsguard. Fuck the City. Fuck the King."

Sandor is the current Game of Fucks champion.

Poor Joffrey. He wants to stay and fight.

But the worst ones always live. Bye.

"Those are brave men knocking at our door. Let's go kill them."

Said to nuisance callers. Forever.

Cersei is such a bully. To Lancel.

I know. I laughed too.

The doll that Ned gave Sansa looks like some sort of voodoo doll now.

Creepy.

Seven Hells! You should have gone with Sandor.

You could have had his puppies.

Cersei is literally giving Tommen nightmares for the rest of his days.

Scary stories are her forte it seems.

That really does look like perfume she's giving him...

Poison: For Princes.

And Daddy saves the day.

This is how Tywinning came into being. With an appropriate victory tune at the end. 

Review:

This is my favourite episode of Game of Thrones. Ever.

Everything just works. Beautifully so.